FMA One Shots
by Nuclear Sheep
Summary: Short pieces that pop into my head that are not related to each other.
1. Demons

AN: This is a bit angsty. I think it fits Mustang.

* * *

The main reason Roy Mustang tried to avoid calling Fullmetal by his name was that this way, he could distance his mind from the fact that he was so terribly young. Fullmetal sounded grown up, hard and war like. He had a lot of personal demons, but the thought that he very well could be the one to send the kid on the mission he would not come back from was the one to keep him up at night the most.


	2. Rumours

AN: Because I came across too many stories where Roy and Ed pose as father and son. See below why it wouldn't work.

* * *

One thing Roy Mustang did not expect when looking for a place to sit in the mess hall was seeing his newest subordinate snickering into his lunch. His bother was nowhere to be seen. When they made eye contact Fullmetal started laughing harder. Roy was irked and walked over.

"What is so funny, Fullmetal?" He asked.

"Have you heard the rumours?" Fullmetal asked back.

"There are a lot. Be more specific." Roy said.

"Apparently, you had an ulterior motive for sponsoring me and arguing for me to be put under your command. And no, according to the rumours it's not that you see me as an asset you can use to get ahead." Ed replied with an evil grin. Roy had a sinking feeling.

"According to some, I am you long lost son from a past conquest. Of course, you can't admit that openly, so you brought me here to keep me close to you. Even Generals believe that." Ed continued.

"And this is funny how, Fullmetal?" Roy asked.

"Aside from further bringing home the point that intelligence is not a requirement to be promoted?" Fullmetal inquired.

Roy decided to let the dig at the hierarchy slide. This time.

"Yes. I'd really like to know." Roy said.

"Well, there is no way that you could produce a child of my colouring with any woman. Black hair and black eyes are dominant traits. You are only fourteen years older than I am. You do have the reputation of a womaniser, but I don't think you started that early. Then there is the fact that my mother never left Resembool her entire life, and you were no where near her, ever. And close contact is a requirement for fathering a child. All that is in my and your personnel file, that the higher ups have access to. And still some believe the rumour to be true. What is not funny about that?" Fullmetal explained.

Roy had to admit, put that way it really was funny.


	3. Respect

Second Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye knew a lot about men. She grew up with her widowed father and his mostly male students. Then she joined the military and things went downhill from there. There were a lot of women employed by the military, but those were mostly secretarial and janitorial civilian staff. In actual basic training there were very few women. And young men, especially at the age of the typical new recruit, sometimes had trouble taking no for an answer. Alcohol made weekends a lot worse. Before she was allowed to carry a gun permanently she had gotten very good at hand to hand combat. If her fellow recruits and cadets didn't try to pick her up they were generally very rude. She often had to teach them respect the hard way. Things had settled down once she got deployed to Ishval. Everyone had other problems there. After the war Lt. Colonel Mustang had snatched her up as his personal assistant. The others in the unit crossed her once and never after that. When she heard that the newest member of their team would be a twelve year old boy, who had his younger brother in tow, she had started wondering how they would teach them respect. Her usual method involved shooting. She couldn't do that to children.

She never needed to do anything, though. From the moment they met they were always polite and respectful. At least to her. The others had a bit more trouble. Especially the Colonel. She wondered why.

When Edward finally got assigned a room at the dorms she showed them where it was and offered to help them move in. Her offer was turned down. As she left she overheard a offhand comment Alphonse made to his brother. What did they mean she was almost as scary as their teacher?

* * *

AN: After their experiences with Izumi I think the Elric brother's err on the side of paranoia.


	4. Making Humans

AN: I had the last two sentences running around in my head and no idea how to use them. If anyone wants to run with them, send me a link to the finished thing so I can see what you came up with.

* * *

It was quite obvious that Simon and Tony Elric had inherited their father's curiosity. As soon as they had learned to talk they had started asking questions. Much to Ed's and Winry's annoyance. They also had the habit of asking awkward questions in the most embarrassing moments. Tonight the Elrics had guests. All the old crowd of Mustangs office was there fore dinner. This was the night sixteen year old Simon would get to know true embarrassement.

"So, dad, why is transmuting humans impossible?" Simon asked just before his mother was about to serve the apple pie.

"Because you cannot pull out the soul from wherever it is and you can't make the correct body in the first place. You just construct a body at random that might not even have the correct gender, and isn't viable." Ed replied.

"So why did you try?" Simon asked.

"Well, were little and didn't know that then. We didn't know that all that hard work would be useless. We didn't know that making humans the old fashioned way was much easier. And much more fun."


End file.
